Ich möchte ein veggie burrito

Germans are pros at engineering a lot of stuff, like cars, jets, genocide, etc. Their next project: The Mission Burrito.

This new Berlin spot — named “Dolores” — will have Anchor Steam and Negro Modelo on tap, and already sports a big blown-up Muni map of the Mission on its walls.

I’m going to go ahead and say that this is probably going to taste like shit compared to the real thing (how fresh are those avocados gonna be by the time they arrive?), but if I’m in Deutschland and somehow tire of whatever-wursts and sauerkraut, I know where I’m eating.

Derek Jeter can’t go left

While everyone’s here to look at pics of A-Rod with his shirt off, I figured I’d link to a little more evidence in favor of Jeter not being very good at baseball right here (as well as FJM’s take on the coverage here).

This, of course, is only on the defensive side; he’s clearly an asset offensively. But awarding him those Gold Gloves was comedy.

Traffic — the good kind (not the kind that makes you late for stuff)(although usually I’m late for other reasons and just use it as an excuse)(it’s nothing personal)

Wow. Yesterday was the busiest day this stupid little blog has ever seen, topping the day I sent this URL to my friends and asked them to check it out and many of them did so out of annoyed politeness. It would appear that the photo of A-Rod getting rubbed down is quite popular.

I would just like to take this moment to sincerely apologize for those of you who’ve visited this site hoping to find something useful/informative. (Although if you’re googling “a rod shirtless” or “retarded people” — which many of you are — you’re probably not all that disappointed.) But yeah, it’s mostly just me complaining about stuff. At least I usually spell stuff right. Bloggers are all full of shit anyway.

Who drank my goddamn apple juice?

Wow…no music on this blog for a while. No anything on this blog for a while.

Problem solved. Boom.

This little gem from the French producer who goes by the rather unfortunate name Krazy Baldhead sounds like it’s got nothing going on upon first listen. Pretty pedestrian beat, and a chopped up vocal of some chick who’s pissed about her beverage.

But there’s much more to it than that and it’s pretty much all awesome. Read on to listen.

Cut it the fuck out already

Please, for the love of god, when you’re referring to the sports team that you support, do not say “we.” As in “The Red Sox ahh wicked good. We lit up Mariano Rivera today.”

Unless your name is Jon Papelbon (in which case, I hate you), you are not on the team, so by the definitions set forth in the Oxford English Dictionary, you cannot refer to the team as “we,” because you are not included.

See Steinkamp’s comment re: the A’s vs. Francisco Liriano: “They own him.” That is proper. Stop being douches, 85% of all sports fans ever.

The Brooklyn Zoo is in full effect

I lived 29 years without ever visiting New York, and now, for the second time since I’ve started this blog, I’m headed to NYC.  Not that you were expecting on-the-hour updates or anything, but I’m headed out for five days in Brooklyn, suckas. I intend to return with numerous A-Rod related stories. And more dirty pics for Stevie J.

An open letter to Brett Favre

Fuck OFF you attention-desperate, whiny 14-year-old girl.

Sincerely,

The Overly Dramatic Truth

A-Rod > Jeter, Pt. 4,329,896

Okay, I’m tired of trying to convince retarded people that Alex Rodriguez is a much better player than Derek Jeter, but in the midst of this latest fiasco, can we admit that articles like this at least hint that Jeter is a primadonna not to be upset for fear of him melting down in hissyfits? That if he is forced to acknowledge the blatantly obvious fact that A-Rod is an insanely better player than he is that he’ll become this venomous cancer and destroy the Yanks?

They’re saying it’s bad for chemistry reasons – Passan even cites studies that show Jeter is one of the worst fielders at his position – but fuck OFF with that. Jeter should have moved to second base when A-Rod came over anyway. Should a captain worry about shit like that? I think not.

And just look at that picture. A-Rod is not afraid to let shirtless old men rub him up. Jeter is a pansy.

Suck it, Jeff Brantley

Saw this gem over at Fire Joe Morgan (obviously…I barely read anything else on the Interwebs these days), but figured I’d share it with you folks as well.

Basically, Jeff Brantley/95% of sports broadcasters are retarded and make up random claims whenever they feel like it. This video is a bit of sweet vindication. I’m not sure if Brantley still has that curly mullet thing going anymore, but if he does, this is some vindication for that too. How? I don’t know. Whatever. Enjoy.

Who’s in charge here?

Somebody should write something about something. Or something.

Baseball started. The Giants are not good at it. (Nelson: “Ha ha!”)

GZA played in SF on Monday. That was cool. Liquid Swords in its entirety, bitches.

Should I get an iPhone? They’re pretty sexy. Expensive though.

Moving this weekend. Be nice to finally have a permanent home.

Sentence fragments good. Unnhh.

Quote of the Week

Overheard at Zeitgeist:

“Need I remind you: My roommate is a gay pornstar.”

Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?

I do, you preppy ass. That’s how I make my money. DO NOT BLOW THIS FOR ME!

Whoa…okay, anyway. So it’s been a while since I’ve done a music post (or any post for that matter), so here’s something to fill the void. These guys might have the worst band name ever, they are definitely overprivileged Eastern seaboard kids whose parents own property in the Hamptons, and I have not been able to turn their record off over the past few weeks.

Vampire Weekend: “Oxford Comma” [Vampire Weekend, 2008]

Read on for more about this breezy pop gem if the blogosphere hasn’t already bombarded you with enough ink about these kids.

Yeah, UCD!

UC Davis in the news! Wooooo!

I didn’t even read it yet…I just saw UC Davis and wanted to get something up here. I’m gonna assume it’s like a new tomato they created or maybe an engineer from the D (yeah, that’s right, Detroit: I just ganked your shit) is going to build the biggest LEED-certified building in the world or something, or maybe one of their winemaker graduates just shoved some award-winning cabernet up France’s collective asshole, or…

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit.

White men apparently can’t play defense either

So I don’t really give two shits about basketball (bring back White Chocolate!)(he might still be playing, but he’s not on the Kings blasting no-look passes into the stands, so whatever), but this picture is high comedy. That’s some serious defense right there.

Garfield minus Garfield

How people make innocent things so frightening is something that never ceases to amaze me.

This has been bouncing around the internet for a minute, but I wanted to throw it up here anyway. I used to love Garfield as a kid. I’m not honestly sure why. I look at it now and the jokes are simply not revealing themselves to me. I guess a cat liking lasagna is funny or something.

But this site right here makes it funny(/sad) again. Take “a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and methamphetamine addiction in a quiet American suburb.” Good times.